As the night turns into morning
The television static buzzes in the background
Bugs outside making noises
You can hear just barely
If you hold your breath
For longer than a half a second
My fingers laced in yours
One hand tangled in your soft hair
Your eyes are beautiful
Impeccable, in a way
I could look at you forever
Suffocate in your perfume
That scent I’ve grown so accustomed to
I could breathe you in
Inhale all of your wonder
All of your flawless, porcelain skin
Speckled with few freckles
That you say you’re ashamed of
But I kiss them all anyway
You’re so lovely when you’re sleepy
Struggling to stay awake
Eyes pushing back the tiredness
Words becoming hushed whispers
Your head now heavy on my shoulder
I would do anything to save this moment
Every second spent with you
Feels like an eternity
That I never want to part with.
Deja Entendu.
I lay awake
These thoughts haunt these hallowed walls of my mind
They hover over me
Like darkened clouds
Ready for the storm
The drops bounce off my face
One by one
While the thunder
Echos in the distance
Will it rain forever
Your voice reverberates
In the still air
My only light
My deepest love
I grab your hands and kiss you
If this moment could last
I would be happy
But I open my eyes and you’re not there
You’re a shadow on the gravel driveway
Some turned stones
And kicked up dust
I can’t live like this
Come back to me
Come back.
She wonders why I don’t bother calling anymore
Why my messages are brief
And lack emotion
All the pens are out of ink as I tried writing to you
But my words have failed me yet again
I try to describe your beauty but no language can captivate it
I try to write of your laughter but I’ve become enamored by it
She wonders why my smiles seem fake and out of place
Why my laughter is so hollow it sounds like I’m choking
Like I’m gasping for air
A fish out of water
She’s puzzled
How could it have changed
It was so right before now
Lets not play games
We all know who I’m in love with
Those late nights spent kissing
And laughing about playing hooky
And lying on the floor all day with nothing to do
And no plans
That was perfect
And another weekend
We spent at your apartment
And laid in your bed
Until three in the afternoon
We climbed trees the night before
And I kissed you until I couldn’t breathe
I held your hand
Laced in between all of my fingers
Maybe if I squeezed hard enough
You couldn’t let go
And you wouldn’t
But the sun came up and the empty bottles sigh of regrets and longing
Of loneliness and confusion
I go back to the girl that has fallen for me
She wonders why I don’t feel for her
She doesn’t know about you
She’ll never know about you.
And you’ll fade
Perfect, indefinite.
The sun is coming through the blinds. It rips apart the curtains, they have no use it seems. Illuminates the every hair on your head, highlights the softness of your face. You smile. You’re half asleep. I wrap my arms tighter around you and you mention how you wish you could stay like this forever. I exhale slowly, my stress melts into the mattress as the sun burns brighter. I’m cracking. The face I wear so proudly weighs like a burden on my shoulders. I prepared for this but not well enough. I never meant to care for you, this was just a little game. Now I’m stuck at square one wondering if we’ll play again.
Days pass. Sleepless nights drag on. Empty bottles become more sacred, we have little need for them now. Once a hushed secret now splayed open for the world to see but what of the man? He’s still coming around and sleeping in the same sheets as I am and I can’t help but feel more hollow, more alone, more used. Is it me? Is it my fault? You love him but you’ve never said anything of the like to me.
I’m done playing your silly games. I am weary of losing.
Death comes at strange times.
It comes unexpectedly; it comes right when you have the feeling it’ll happen. It leaves no notes, no traces of what resiliency there may have been in that shell of a former person. It speaks not, for it is a silent wave lapping up the shoreline. It is merely a flicker of flame in the darkness, one small breath can cause the room to shake. One light breeze can dim the beacon in the still.
You try to prepare for these things. You put them out of sight, out of mind. Does it help?
It doesn’t.
And the truth is, none of them knew my name even when I said my last goodbyes. I wonder if that meant anything at all.
So what kinda girls do you like? And how young/old would you date?from Anonymous
ummm, basically any that’s chill, and not too uptight. likes to talk about sports or music. movies. just hanging out. i’m not too picky, really. as long as she treats me with respect and understands my sole goal is to make her happy :)
as for the second question, i’ve dated a girl that was a freshman when i was a senior (in high school) but i wouldn’t date younger than that i don’t think. as for older, it doesn’t really matter. love is love.
I once had this conversation with a girl. She said she had no faith in god. How could she take the time and believe in something with zero proof. On the subject of love, she longed for something real and lasting. A love perfect, like from a movie. I told her I didn't believe in love any more. It was nothing more then a Chemical imbalance in the brain. It was just a disease and one I didn't want. My final thought to her was, "it appears we are both blind to what we cannot see."
That’s a very deep line. And it definitely holds true. I don’t judge what people choose or do not choose to see. I’m a firm believer of “to each his own” as well as “we see what we want to see”.
If we look for the bad in the world and the hate in everyone, it’ll show. If we look for love in all the wrong places there will be no good consequences. If we merely look for something to believe in yet hold the idea that nothing is sacred and faith is only for the weak, then we will surely never find what we are looking for.
It’s all a game, life. It’s a maze and you can choose left or you can choose right…and each one of those choices can be a great success or lead to your downfall. The sad part is, no one knows which.
So Contagious - Acceptance
New Heights - Peaches
If I gather all the things you love, and bring them to my room, will you stay?
If I stay up all night, listen to you dream, and fight off all the demons, will you wake?
If I lie in bed awake at night, praying for you to be happy, will you ever be?
If I pretend like nothing happened and started this all again, would you truly LOVE me?
The sound of my puppy sleeping
Truly warms my heart. Just knowing I saved her life makes me happy. Just her knowing that people aren’t bad and people can actually take care of her the right way, makes me feel less empty.
She is the best thing to happen to me. I love you, my sweet puppy Iris. We will be best friends forever.
i just want to be loved.
is that too much to ask?
I am alive, I am alive, and that is the best that I can do.
On September 11th, 2012, I had an epiphany. I had an eye-opening moment of self realization through God’s power and my prayer alone. I began to understand, and I mean fully understand, what the point of living my life is. What I am here for. What I am supposed to be, supposed to do…what this journey is all about.
Prior to this chilly morning in my Bloomington apartment, I was living life in all of the wrong ways. I was identified as a perfectionist; I feared failure more than I feared death; I would prevent myself from taking risks of any sort because of my fears.
It was then that I created a creed. A brief, but powerful one: “At the end of the day, what matters is if you tried your best or not. You may not have gotten first place, but you put forth your best effort…and ultimately, that is the most important.” At that moment, I stopped being a perfectionist. I stopped living for everyone else. I began living for myself, and making myself happy. And for a while, it worked.
It was September 28th when this fantasy realm I had created for myself and lived in happily collapsed and resulted in a relapse I am not proud of, nor like to think about. It was September 29th, today, that I took a step back and looked at the breadth of this relapse and this change in pace to get a better understanding of my goals and my plans. I realized that being happy is a choice. It shouldn’t be dependent on who you are with, what you do, if your Dad is proud of you or not, if you have a 4.0 or above…it is solely a choice. The relapse and moods following are not permanent, because I am choosing otherwise. I know better. I can think logically, and allowing myself to sink back into the thought process—the way I used to live—is illogical.
It was also on September 29th that I swore to myself should I ever relapse again, I should see it as a possibility, accept it, and move on. I should not see it as a hindrance, as a permanence, an inevitability to my happiness, or a final point that I reach in life. It was this date that I figured myself out. It was this year that I changed myself in such an enormous way, it impacts my future more than I can begin to describe. It will only be told in future stories, future actions…my future.
I am in a story that has already been written, I am just living it. That being said, I can and will change the ending. I have the power, the choice, and I’m making my decisions. I see things, and I understand. I am a wallflower.
